AN ONLINE PRESENCE

PEACH MELBEAR IS SO GOOD

Peach Melbear is so good
I want it for my blood
We lap it up
Cup by cup
Zip, John and Vinny Doublepud

Peach Melbear gives us pleasure
By the pot and by our leisure
Five pints in
We're going to win
A beer erection without measure

Peach Melbear is the best
Better than all the rest
Ten pints of it
Turned to liquid shit
Our colon's it did test

Peach Melbear is the best
Until I was sick all down my vest
My pants fell down
In the middle of town

…and I can't remember the rest.

ROUGH AS A BEAR'S ARSE: PART 1

Every now and again, the hobbyist drinker in Stockport can be treated to a most enjoyable experience by spending the evening in a particular pub famous for it's logistical obscurity.  The pub we speak of is of course: The Navigation, which is also frequently referred to as: That Bastard Up The Hill We Can't Get To Because We're Too Pissed. (or the BUTHWCGTBWTP for short).

As you can imagine due to it's tricky location, The Navigation is frequently bypassed when swigging in Stockport however we are pleased to say, not this time around!

After a bit of fortuitous haggling we managed to cadge a white-knuckle ride to Stockport on The Beer Bus.  All hail The Beer Conductor for getting us there quicksharp and in one piece (if not a bit lighter in the bowels!).  We salute you!

We pulled up just outside the pub, crawled from the now Brown Beer Bus and raised our eyes and hands to acknowledge the pub with a doff of the imaginary cap.  It really had been many moons since last I swigged in this hostelry, but I am pleased to say that the decor, jukebox and regulars were all intact and just the same as they always were, as was the wonderful array of Beartown's bears on offer to us.

For those of you familiar with drinking in Stockport you'll likely already be aware of the pub, but for those of you who aren't, especially those who might live locally, might we recommend you pay a visit soon to sample Congleton's finest, it's well worth the trek up that wretched hill!

As the barman hobbled towards us we decided to start with the ever delicious Kodiak Gold, the stalwart and popular flagship brew of Beartown.  It's complex, fruity and zingy bitter notes were most welcome to our parched throats so much so that we drained two pints each in just a few seconds.

Start as you mean to go on as they say.

Next was a new brew (only been available for 15 months apparently) and was called Beartown's Best Bitter; a rather dull name considering Beartown's reputation with brew names but this didn't deter us from ordering a couple. We watched in anticipation as the dark deep malty goodness filtered and settled in the pot before chugging joyously through a most rich, earthy and satisfying pint of beer.  A very welcome addition to Beartown's range.

Several more pints of the Best Bitter and Kodiak Gold and we were well on our way to reaching enlightenment.

Tune in next time for part two of 'Rough As A Bear's Arse' where our troupe visit the legendary The Arden Arms to swig the gas-inducing Robinson's Unicorn, drunkenly piss up the side of a wall, grab some balls, and then end up on The Bus Into The Abyss!

A PINT IN HAND IS WORTH TWO IN THE TAP

BIRD IN HAND, MOBBERLY, CHESHIRE.   NO BIRDS IN THESE BUSHES UNFORTUNATELY.

Christ, where are we? Mobberly; a beautiful (if quaint) little leafy Cheshire village next door to Knutsford, which itself is situated somewhere in between larger Cheshire towns: Stockport and Crewe.

Although not on the hunt for a pint that day, no trip is complete without at least 8 foaming pints of deliciousness so we popped in for a snifter.  And what a good decision that was!

I must say that it's nice to find a pub you've never been to before.  Visiting your usual local favourites can become stale from time to time, regardless of how good the beer may be, so a trip out into the country (or into the city) can be a refreshing change for the jaded drinker.  Nothing wrong with some new faces, new beers and new experiences now and again.

BEER, IT'S DELICIOUS… SO SAID ARISTOTLE.

In the Bird In Hand the beer was a familiar sight: Sam Smiths, and needless to say I went straight for the bitter.  It was creamy, wholesome and bursting with flavour for having been served at the perfect temperature.  It's nice to see that here out in the sticks standards are just as high (if not higher) and the locals know what they're doing when it comes to Real Ale.

LAGER DAVE ENJOYING… WELL, LAGER

Having consumed the first pint in around 7 seconds I had to double check the percentage as the flavour was so good that I thought I was dreaming when I first ogled at the 3.8% ABV on the label.

ZIP ZIP SWIGGING… AS USUAL.

Nope I was right, 3.8%, blimey.  Just goes to show how good a pint it was, and perhaps how well deserved it was after an afternoon of shovelling pig shit into the back of a truck.  Then, there's the price…  £1.53 a pint.  Bargain.  Nothing more to say really

Venue?  An old stone pub probably built before the first world war.  It had charm, character and plenty of space, giving us a cosy feel with it's low ceilings and dark wood decor.  Could have done with an open fire to really round things off, but that's nitpicking in all honesty.

Widdled and after a couple more pints and we were off, back north into Lancashire for another pint in more familiar territory.

It's probably obvious but it's always worth saying: 'a fun day out was had by all'.

NEW BREWERIES: BIG COCK BREWERY

 

Brand new local brewery focussing on traditional real ale with a hoppy twist.  We look forward to tasting their exploits as they should be available in pubs and bars around the 'Northern Quarter' soon!

BEARTOWN: UNBEARABLE

Unbearably obscure.

SAM SMITHS :OLD BREWERY BITTER

Outstanding value.

DARK STAR BREWERY: WINTER SOLTICE

From the heavens.

ST PETER's BREWERY: ST PETER'S RUBY RED ALE

A Real Ale gem.

MARSTONS BREWERY: PEDIGREE

Dee-lish!

BUXTON BREWING COMPANY: BUXTON SPA

Exceptional deliciousness.

SOLTAIRE: BLACKBERRY CASCADE

Fruit + Beer = Delicious.

PICTISH BREWING COMPANY: ALCHEMISTS ALE

Follow your nose indeed.

BAD BEER MEANS BAD DRINKING AND A FURORE OF MOANING

Just look at the face of this poor Beer Soldier.  Sorrowful eyes with a dashing of melancholy and depression; this is what bad beer does to man.  Hats off to you my good sir, 10 out of 10 for effort, but despite soldiering on through what was clearly a foul pint, there was simply nothing good to say about this experience.  The beer was expensive, poorly kept, incompetently poured, lifeless, headless and foul tasting.

It's just not on.

However for me, having predicted such travesties (and having unfortunately wasted my money in the past), the most disturbing element of this ale session wasn't the undrinkable ale, but the social championing of said undrinkable ale by certain members of our party (obviously not by our friend in the picture).

I appreciate that everyone's allowed an opinion, fair enough, that's how it should be, but that doesn't mean it has to hold much value.

After a interesting debate discussing the rancid contents in the glass, being spoken down to, and being the victim of various untrue assertions, I came to the conclusion that they clearly don't understand the difference between a 'good' pint, and a 'bad' pint.

Disturbing indeed, especially considering it comes so naturally to anyone with taste buds!

Worryingly, I fear that it's this attitude that may usurp all the hard work 'REAL' Real Ale people from all sections of the industry have made.  This ignorant clique which seems to revel in it's own ignorance seems determined to ram their uninformed opinions down your throat in an attempt to force you to agree with them… which tastes nearly as bad as the beer they were promoting.

Frighteningly, this is becoming more common as Real Ale gains popularity.

It's a shame that as we move forward with the Real Ale Revolution, this kind of attitude has embedded itself into the 'trendy' side of Real Ale, and instead of listening, learning and understanding from more experienced, educated Real Ale drinkers, they're more focussed on dictating and forcing their inflexible views upon you.

And I thought CAMRA were bad, but at least they're in it purely for the beer, and no other abstruse reasons.

COACH HOUSE BREWERY: BLUEBERRY BITTER

It's almost impossible to describe how wonderful this ale really was, but I've given it a shot.  More reviews to follow, including the archive from yesteryear.